Tick Tick Tick.
Time is ticking by,
but there’s still so much left to do.
Gotta be more productive.
No time for dinner tonight,
but perhaps a cup of tea will do.
Introducing the electric tea kettle!
A uniquely modern invention.
It’s a two-for-one-special, bringing the kitchen into your bedroom.
The epitome of efficiency.
So turn on the electric tea kettle,
and wait for the water to boil.
The Rise of a Gig Economy Automation Income Inequality The Loss of Stability Late-Stage Capitalism
Climate Change Factory Farming Political Polarization The Mental Health Crisis Hook-up Culture
The 24/7 News Cycle The Covid Pandemic
The whole fucking world is coming to a boil.
So why not make a cup of tea
to drown out the 24/7 anxiety?
At least for a little while.
Don’t worry, It won’t take that long.
You don’t even have to walk into the kitchen.
Why wait for the stove to warm?
A kettle next to your desk gifts you with a crucial extra five minutes of productivity!
Five more minutes to give away.
The electric tea kettle is a disruptor,
rendering the stove and kitchen obsolete.
Just like you will be rendered obsolete
when they replace you with a robot.
But we do not pity the kitchen.
After all, we only care about the end result – the tea.
Why create an entire event when you can reduce it to one step in one room?
We don’t have time for a whole experience.
Not right now.
No use in getting sentimental.
Experiences don’t pay the bills
or make your parents proud.
Yet, the electric tea kettle is a comforter,
embracing you with warmth.
The warmth you aren’t getting from the sun.
When’s the last time you
ventured into the wilderness?
The electric kettle brings the comfort that you seek from
friends who are too busy with their spreadsheets and work meetings.
You don’t want to burden them anyway.
Your negativity would scald them.
Better to steep your problems
In chamomile or
wild berry zinger
The electric tea kettle is a therapist,
sessions are only 30 cents a pop.
Not the $150 you have to spend for a session with Patricia or Carol.
Feelings are expensive.
inefficient. unproductive. paralyzing.
The antithesis of an electric tea kettle.
Besides, if you have the luxury
Of owning an electric tea kettle,
do you actually have any “real” problems?
At the very least, you probably have access to electricity,
which means you probably have access to shelter.
You likely have access to water as well and maybe even food.
So what is the problem then?
You possess the privilege of an existential crisis,
the luxury of worrying over whether your
job makes you feel “personally fulfilled.”
Why are you so uncomfortable with yourself?
Do you feel guilty?
Perhaps you wish that life
was more like the honey you stir into your mug.
At least the electric tea kettle makes things a little simpler.
But is life supposed to be sweet and simple?
Let it all come to a boil.
The tea is ready.